


The Closer I Get to You

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Generations Fix, Getting Together, Love, M/M, Matchmaking, Romance, Song fic, Space Husbands, T'hy'la, T'hy'la Bang 2020, Time Travel, interference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Newly relationshipped, Jim and Spock are engaged in a time traveling mission to save a commodore's life. But during one of their time jumps, they end up jumping universes, where they meet their older counterparts, Kirk and Spock.Jim assumes their counterparts are a couple, just like he and Spock are, considering the information he gained from Ambassador Spock in that long ago meld on Delta Vega, so he is surprised to learn from Kirk and Spock that they are merely friends. Before he and his Spock head back to their own universe/timeline, Jim sets out to change the relationship of their counterparts, or as his boyfriend would say...violate the Prime Directive.Thanks to my Beta for this fic, Dreamsaremadeofthis.Big thanks to Sam Neukirch for supplying the art for my T'hy'la Bang 2020 Story. Give her some love over on her Twitter:Sam Neukirch
Relationships: James T. Kirk Prime/Spock Prime, James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 119
Kudos: 237
Collections: T’hy’la Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

  
  


After the Events of Star Trek Beyond

Chapter 1

The ship was beautiful. Gorgeous, really.

Jim would or could never deny that. But if it didn’t quite have the feeling the old Enterprise had, the one destroyed, he told himself he’d get used to it.

What choice did he have anyway?

But there was no denying it had all the latest enhancements. They hadn’t spared anything in rebuilding the Enterprise. They gave him and his crew the best of the best. Jim was glad for that.

His quarters were easily three times what he’d had before. Including the bathroom that was equipped with a standing glass shower that allowed him to choose between the sonic option or water option. He knew better than to use water too often, but it was nice the choice was there.

The captain’s quarters now had an entirely separate sleeping room with a door that closed off for privacy. From himself, Jim guessed. The bathroom was attached there. The wardrobe or closet with his uniforms was in the bedroom part of his quarters, as was a dresser with other clothing like sleepwear, underwear, casual stuff. 

Then he had a “relaxation area” which included a couch, a bar, a gaming setup, and a video screen for viewing entertainment, not to be confused with the one on his desk used for official purposes. A living room, is what they were called on Earth.

There was also a dining table with four chairs, he supposed so he could entertain, he didn’t know, as well as various replicators specializing in beverages, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desserts. Mind-boggling. 

And then, finally, he had a work area, with a desk, terminal, and chairs for visitors. It was left up to the ship’s captain as to whether he wished to allow crew access to his personal quarters, but Jim had an open door policy, so he was fine with it.

Honestly, it was all bigger than his apartment back in San Francisco during his Academy years. 

He felt a little silly with all this space to himself. But it was what it was.

They hadn’t even officially left Yorktown when he had the first person asking for access to him, and when he allowed them in, he couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Lieutenant,” Jim greeted Uhura. “I didn’t expect to have you as my first visitor.”

She smiled very slightly. “Who did you expect?”

“Bones, I suppose.”

She nodded. “I apologize for the intrusion.”

“No, it’s not. Sit.” Jim ended sitting next to her in the other chair rather than going all the way behind his desk to sit. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m sorry for the timing. I’ve been assigned quarters and everything. But…”

“I don’t understand.”

Uhura pinched the bridge of her nose. “You didn’t get my request?”

“Uh. No. Request?”

For a moment, she said nothing. She appeared to be gathering herself. But then she leaned back in her chair and sighed. “This would have been easier if you had seen my request. I requested a transfer, Captain.”

Of all the things Jim had expected to hear, that had certainly not been it. He prided himself on keeping a straight face when necessary. Playing it close to the chest. Admittedly he’d been practicing by observing his Vulcan first officer.

But he found it difficult not to show his surprise here. He managed. He thought, anyway.

“I see,” he said slowly. “Well, actually, I’m not sure I do. Are you unhappy on the Enterprise?”

“No, Captain. Not at all. In fact, I view many of the people on the ship as the closest thing I have to a family.”

“And I’m certain the feeling is mutual. Have you…found an assignment you thought you’d like better?” Jim reached for the PADD on his desk and brought up his login. There it was. Plain as day. He’d missed it earlier. But this time his frown showed, because there was only one request and that made even less sense.

“No, not that either.”

His gaze flew to hers and he realized she looked absolutely miserable. He took a chance. “Nyota, what’s going on?”

“I don’t want to leave,” she admitted. “It’s just…things are going to get awkward.” She blew out a breath. “I don’t know. Maybe I can handle it better than I think.”

“Look, I know you’re talking here like I know what’s going on, I guess you think I do, but I can assure you, I don’t. What does…I mean I don’t see a request from Spock.”

She suddenly leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. “Sometimes.”

“Uhura?”

She reemerged and looked at him. “Again, right?”

“Again?”

“Spock and I are not together or anything, Captain. We broke up before Krall.”

Jim nodded. “Right. But…that was before, right? I saw you after. When you were rescued. You guys got close again and he came to my birthday party to be with you.”

“Oh. I think maybe it was Spock’s intention to reconcile. I think he thought that was what I wanted.”

“It wasn’t?”

Uhura shook her head. “I made that mistake before. I need a drink. You got a drink?”

Jim had a feeling he’d get nowhere if he wasn’t indulgent, and though they were on the ship, at the moment, anyway, they were not on duty. He rose and went to the fancy replicators.

“Your choice?”

“A cosmopolitan.”

He made her one and chose a beer for himself and brought them over. “Want to sit in the ‘relaxation area’ instead?”

She smirked. “Is that what they’re calling it? Sure.” She rose, grabbed her drink and went over to the sofa where Jim joined her. “You know you’re not such a bad guy, really.”

“Thanks,” he said dryly.

“No, I mean it. If you weren’t in love with someone else, who knows?” Uhura shrugged.

Jim laughed. “Who am I in love with, Lieutenant?”

“Spock.” She said it so softly it might have been carried away by a breeze, if there was one in his quarters.

Jim just looked at her. Torn between denial and acceptance. Unsure which to choose as usual.

She sipped her drink and shook her head wearily. “Don’t worry. He’s in love with you, too.”

Now his stare had turned into a full out gape. Denial for this came fast and powerful. Instant. “No way.”

“If ever there were two more clueless guys, I sure as hell have never met them. Why do you think we broke up the first time?”

He wished he had chosen something more potent for this conversation, but then again, maybe a clear head was warranted. “Are you saying I’m responsible?”

“Yes. No. Indirectly.”

“Wait. _First_ time?”

Uhura shook her head, rose and went to the replicator. “I need another one. These replicators, they’re a big improvement. Can barely tell this isn’t the real thing.”

“You’re stalling.”

“Maybe.” She returned to her seat. “You can’t be that surprised.”

“Are you talking about right after the volcano?”

“Nah. We were fighting, yes. But it was never an official split. No we broke up after Spock nearly killed Khan. You were still…mostly dead. Though we all hoped Leonard could revive you.” Her lips curled. “Spock hoped most of all.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Of course you don’t.” Her tone was derisive. Jim was used to that. “That’s where the clueless comes in. I recognized then that he was in love with you. While we never said the words, let’s break up, it was a mutual decision between us. He wouldn’t leave your side. I told him he loved you, he denied it, then admitted it, and then…”

Heart pounding hard, Jim leaned forward. “Then?”

“You woke up. Before Spock could work up the nerve to say anything, Carol Marcus came to see you, all aglow, flirting and carrying on, as you did with her. She was grieving over her father and you were just the sympathetic ear she needed. It was clear that you two intended to start a relationship. Spock came to me, hat in hand as the saying goes, apologizing to me, and asking to get back together.”

“And you did?”

She sighed, sipped her cocktail. “I was in love. It was stupid, I know that now, but then, I just thought, okay, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we usually find our way back to each other. Maybe it was just a fleeting crush he had on you. That kind of thing.”

“And it wasn’t?” Jim asked, unsure.

“Oh no. When things ended between you and Carol and she left, I saw the look of hope that briefly appeared in his eyes. I pretended not to, for my own sake. But that hope died out when you didn’t show any particular interest in him. You’re an exceptional actor by the way. You had me convinced for the longest time that you didn’t return his feelings, so no wonder he thought that way. He’s not always the best judge when it comes to emotional interactions with humans. Then he made the decision to leave and settle on New Vulcan, and that’s when we had the official break up discussion.”

“But you…Spock wanted to get back together. You said so yourself. If he had feelings for me, why would he want that?”

“Because he’s just as clueless as you. Captain, I’m really not here to give advice to the lovelorn officers of Starfleet. You and Spock need to work that out for yourselves. But I am telling you right now, he is _in_ love with you.”

Jim looked at the neck of his beer bottle. He’d left it mostly untouched. And yet the few sips he’d had, soured in his stomach. “And all this is why you want a transfer.”

“I don’t want a transfer. Like I said, this is my family, the ship my home, I’m closer to all of you than I’ve ever been to anyone else in my life. I just think…”

“Request denied.”

“Captain—”

“I can’t predict the future, none of us can. I get it. I’ve watched you with him for years, so I know what it’s like watching someone you love, love someone else. It’s fucked up. But—”

“I’m not even sure I love him that way anymore,” Uhura interrupted. “Not sure I have for a long time. But I care about him and I want him to be happy, to have who he wants to have, even though that’s not me.”

“So…stay. Please? Give it some time. Six months? And if it’s still terrible, if you can’t do it, then we’ll talk.”

She blew out a long breath and then finished her second Cosmo. “Maybe you should ask him how he feels about me staying on.”

“I’m positive Spock doesn’t want you to go. You want him to be happy and I’m certain he feels exactly that way about you.”

She leaned her head back on the sofa. “You can afford to say that crap. You’ve won.”

“Nyota…”

“I know. Spock’s heart is not a prize in a contest.”

“It isn’t. No. And I certainly wasn’t playing any games I didn’t know about.”

She straightened and got up from the sofa, empty glasses in hand, which she disposed of in the receptacles for cleaning. “I know. Six months, Captain. There’s no guarantee.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, I get it.”

“And do us all a favor and talk to Spock.”

“Thought you didn’t want to give out advice?”

She gave him her trademark smirk, which honestly was a bit of an improvement. “Yeah, well. Like I said, I want him to be happy. And I even want _you_ to be. I’m resigned to the inevitable. See you around.”

Jim watched her exit his quarters, but no, he didn’t immediately seek out Spock. No. Instead he went to his desk and sat down.

“Ensign Mathers, contact Commander Winona Kirk on the USS Constellation. Patch her through.”

“The Constellation, sir?”

“Yeah, they should be in range. Thank you, Mathers.”

Jim went to the replicator while he waited and got himself a small side salad that had mixed greens, walnuts, and goat cheese. He went with a vinaigrette for dressing. He got himself a glass of water, leaving the beer he’d gotten earlier mostly untouched.

“Captain? I have Commander Kirk. Putting her through.”

“Thank you, Ensign.”

Less than thirty seconds later, his mother’s smiling face appeared on his terminal screen.

Jim grinned. “Congratulations, Commander.”

“Hmm. My own son outranks me.”

“I have for a while,” he reminded her.

“Brat.”

“How does it feel finally retiring? Is the ship headed back?”

“They’ll drop me off at Space Station 2 and I’ll take the shuttle back to Earth from there. It was going to take too long for me to get off this ship if I waited for them to take me all the way.” She leaned back in her chair. “Been a long time coming. I can hardly wait.”

“What are your immediate plans once off the Constellation?”

She steepled her fingers. “Well, as it happens Pike’s wife happens to be there right now.”

His smile slipped only slightly as he thought about her. Them. “Number One.”

“Yeah.”

“How is Una?”

“Good, I think. She’s a strong woman. There’s a few hours’ delay before my shuttle departs so we’re having dinner and drinks. Haven’t seen her in forever.”

Jim nodded. “And then?”

“I’ll land in San Francisco. Got a bit of last minute regs to take care of and then in a couple of days after that, I’ll head to Riverside and home.”

He managed not to entirely wince at the notion that Riverside was home. And really, he guessed it was. The only one _they_ ’ _d_ had anyway. But Jim now thought of home as wherever his Enterprise family was now. And his mom, she’s missed a lot of what went down at the farmhouse and in that she was blessed, and Jim didn’t even resent her for it. Not anymore at any rate.

“Place might need some fixing up,” he told her.

“Yep. And I guess I’ll have the time.”

“Well, I wouldn’t recommend you doing it all yourself.”

“Not all, sure. But I’m handy enough for some of it. No getting up on rooftops or anything like that. I promise.”

Jim smiled. “I’m envious.”

She smiled right back. “Doubtful. You’ve been enjoying your time in space. And you probably have years to go.”

He shrugged. “I-I thought about quitting not long ago.”

“Yeah? After your battle with Edison?”

That was the thing about his mom. She never referred to him as Krall. It was always Edison. Her way of humanizing him, reminding Jim and anyone else that in some ways he was quite the tragic figure. Jim guessed he was. How would any of them change if they’d been left behind on some remote planet, expecting to be rescued by the Federation, and that never happened.

“Before that,” Jim admitted. “I applied for a vice admiral’s position on Yorktown.”

She frowned. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Yeah.” Jim blew out a breath and shook his head. “I changed my mind, but…I was feeling a little unsettled and maybe unwanted.”

“By Starfleet?”

“Yeah and…others. Like I said, I changed my mind. But I did think about it.”

Her smile was gentle. “Staying on a farm in a remote part of Iowa or staying on the latest and greatest space station isn’t for you, Jim. You’re an explorer. You were born in space, you’ll likely die in space. Just like your dad.”

“Not for a long time, hopefully,” Jim said with a laugh.

“Agreed. But you live dangerously, and you’ve already done it once.”

“Mom, that’s classified.”

She snorted. “Not from your mother.” She looked off screen. “Have to go. Say my final goodbyes to my friends here. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

And her image flickered off screen.

Jim was left behind, wondering what Spock was doing just then.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim found himself not outside Spock’s new quarters, as perhaps he should be per Uhura’s recommendation, but rather outside Bones’. In one hand he held a bottle of Bones’ favorite Bourbon, which he’d purchased on Yorktown, and in the other he held two highball glasses. Still he took a moment to lean against the computer button on the bulkhead. Admired how beautifully glossy the new ship was while he was at it.

“Computer, locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is in his quarters.”

Jim winced. Where Jim maybe should be. Right? Except, what if Uhura had been wrong? Or Spock wasn’t ready? Or…

He pressed for entry on the door.

It slid open to reveal Bones glaring at him.

“This place looks like a model room in a museum not some place I’ll be comfortable living.” His frowned turned up into a smile when he saw the bottle and glasses Jim had. “Come in, come in.”

Jim smirked as he stepped inside. “Yeah, it’ll take some getting used to. Nice though.”

Bones seized the bottle. “Hmm. Surprised to see you.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know. Figured you’d want some alone time. Once we get really going no one will ever leave you be.” He went to a sideboard to pour their drinks while Jim glanced around his quarters.

“You have nice rooms. Don’t know what you’re complaining about. Just toss a few dirty clothes around like you did in our dorm and you’ll be right at home.”

“Funny. I wasn’t that much of a slob.” Bones thrust the drink at him. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing in particular.”

“Uh-huh.” Bones flicked his head toward the overstuffed couch in his entertaining area. “You eat anything?”

Jim plopped down in the seat, sipping the burning bourbon. “Carrot sticks.”

“Pull the other one, will ya?”

He shook his head.

Bones rolled his eyes, turned toward the replicator, and then came to the couch bearing a plate with a tuna sandwich on it together with a very few potato chips. “Eat that. Doctor’s orders.”

Jim took it without comment and without thinking much about it, he took a bite. He was used to Bones not minding his own business. And speaking of…

“Uhura requested a transfer,” Jim blurted out around a bite of sandwich.

“Yeah? Well.” Bones shrugged.

“You don’t seem surprised.”

“Guess I’m not.”

“She said she and Spock never really reconciled. You know, after Altamid. Like you said they had.” He winced at the accusation in his tone.

“I said I thought it was going that way. They seemed cozy at your birthday party. Cozy for them anyway. I’m not sure Spock knows the meaning. But after? When we were on leave, something was off with them.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

Bones leaned back. “Was that part of what a captain should know?”

“Yes,” Jim said immediately. “Then I wouldn’t be blindsided by the transfer request.”

“What you tell her?”

“No. I asked her to give it time. And…Bones. Do you think…? Never mind.”

“You brought it up now. You may as well spill what’s on your mind. And finish that sandwich.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “I don’t need a keeper.”

“You sure do. And speaking of…let me give it a guess. Spock is what’s on your mind.”

“Um.”

“He didn’t put in for a transfer, did he?”

Jim shook his head, mouth full of tuna sandwich.

“Why do you suppose they didn’t get back together, Jim?”

“Beats me. Uhura said Spock wanted to. Or she thinks he did. She implied it was her decision, not his.”

“Probably occurred to her he didn’t decide to stay because of her.”

“Why then?’

Bones sighed. “It was the idea that you couldn’t do it without him, Jim.”

“I can’t do it without a lot of my crew,” Jim muttered. “You too.”

“Even if that were true, and Spock was no more important of a crew member to you than anyone else, which is utter horse shit, but whatever, all you had to do was bat those blue eyes of yours, and all plans for little Vulcans went out the window. Uhura didn’t fail to notice it wasn’t her keeping Spock here, but you. And your neediness.”

“Hey.”

“The truth hurts,” Bones cracked. “Before, I don’t know, the two of you got weird about six months ago, you two were joined at the hip. You two stood so close together I couldn’t have got a needle between you. Nuts. But then…what _did_ happen six months ago? Why did you two so abruptly shut it off?”

Jim shifted on the couch until he had his feet tucked under him. He half expected Bones to tell him to get his boots off the couch or something, but the rant never came, even after the slight narrowing of his friend’s eyes.

“We…ah…we did something.”

Bones frowned. “What did you do?”

“The big something.”

Bones stared at him. “Wait. _What_? You and Spock…you…”

“It was…we were under the influence of that odd green flower on Pariote 3.”

“How come I didn’t know about this influence?”

“You weren’t there. You were on the ship. We were on the Grand Terrace off the chieftain’s personal quarters. I think it was a setup. They infected us to see how we would react and we…”

“You had sex.”

Jim sighed. “Kinda.”

“ _Kinda_?”

“Well, yeah, we did. It started out with kissing. A lot of it. And then we were tearing each other’s clothes off and, um…” Seeing the look on Bones’ face, Jim said, “Going at it. When it was over, we seemed to come to our senses, and we both got out of there, and off the Terrace as quick as possible. Before we beamed back onto the Enterprise, we basically agreed to never ever mention it to each other or anyone else. We agreed we weren’t ourselves and that we acted out of character and it was best to move on and pretend it never happened.”

“Idiots.”

“Maybe. The point is, after that, we, um, without really talking about it, decided to keep our distance from each other. A mutual thing. There was guilt there and weirdness and it was just best not to interact. When I first heard they’d broken up, I thought maybe she’d found out. I don’t know. But then I found out the whole thing about New Vulcan from you and I guessed that wasn’t it after all.”

“You sure know how to screw things up,” Bones declared.

“Not helpful.”

Bones sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let’s cut to the chase here, Jim. Uhura told you they didn’t get back together after she told you that she wanted a transfer, Spock hasn’t asked for one, you’ve discovered Spock stayed because of you…”

“No,” Jim interrupted.

“Jim…”

“Okay, sure. Let’s go with that for a second here, Bones. By your own analysis, I whined, and Spock decided to stay after all.”

“I didn’t say you whined.”

Jim waved that away. “Even if I accept that Spock stayed because of some idea that I needed him, which I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t enough to keep him on the ship to begin with.”

“Huh?”

“We…did something, right?”

“Under the influence,” Bones pointed out.

“But what if at least one of us wasn’t _that_ under the influence?”

Bones leaned forward. “You weren’t under the influence of the plant?”

“Not…I mean, yeah. But the thing is, Bones, wanting to get with Spock didn’t come out of the blue. It didn’t make me do something I never would have wanted to do; you get it? I’d already thought about Spock and my feelings regarding him for a long time. So for me there was emotion behind that act.”

“What makes you think there wasn’t then for Spock?”

“If there was, it wasn’t enough. The truth was Spock was the one who wanted to pretend it never happened, he was quick to dismiss it, and me, and insist we should act like it didn’t occur. I went along with it because of Uhura and a billion other circumstances, but I’d also been ready to declare everything out in the open and that didn’t happen because Spock didn’t want that. And so I kept away from him as I thought he wanted and then…”

“Then?”

“The opportunity for vice admiral came from Yorktown. I stared at the application for so long, you have no idea. Anyway, but Spock, he told Uhura, right? That he was going. She knew he was leaving, ending things with her, but he didn’t tell me. Didn’t think we had enough of a personal relationship to even discuss it with me before he made that choice. Never said, hey, what do you think about this, since you know, we were intimate, or even you know besties or more, like they were…”

“Who were?”

“The other Kirk and Spock. They had a thing going. Not just friends, but more.”

“How do you know?” Bones asked.

“That mind meld thing. Anyway, Bones, or even, hey, you’re my superior officer, what do you think about this? Nothing. Not once. Never brought it up.”

“You didn’t discuss Yorktown with him either.”

“Yeah.”

“Jim, I know what this is about.”

Jim smiled wryly and looked at his drink. “Wish you’d clue me in then.”

Bones snorted. “Fear. This is about having to put yourself out there to Spock and not knowing what all is gonna happen with it and you’re scared. Not that he won’t love you, but that he will, and you’ll have to make the first real effort you’ve ever had in your life.”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

“What then?”

He scowled. “Hell if I know. It bothers me though, Bones. I mean even after all the breakup stuff, he didn’t come to me. If he felt something…then why?”

“You felt something, right?”

“That’s different.”

“How?” Bones demanded.

“I was never in a long term relationship with anyone, like you said. I guess, yeah, some of it, I have commitment issues. That’s valid. But Spock didn’t. He was with her for years.”

“Sure. But did they get married? Do the bonding thing?”

“Well. No.”

“So maybe he has some of the same issues. Or maybe he’s afraid of being rejected by you. And that’s why he never told you. You aren’t always warm and fuzzy, Jim.”

“Me?”

“Yeah you. You can charm anyone, but sometimes you’re so effervescent you intimidate everyone around you.”

“Bones…”

“Can you imagine how that is for a staid, unemotional Vulcan like Spock? Most of the time Uhura adjusted herself for Spock until she couldn’t. But you? You’ve always been you. Bright and brash and unapologetically emotional. And Spock has feelings for you that he doesn’t know what to do with or how to handle.”

Jim bit his lip. “Never thought of any of it like that. I just never…I don’t know.” 

“Then why are you here, Jim, blathering on to me instead of telling Spock how it is?”

“What if she’s wrong? What if I go there and Spock denies it all and says, nah, Jim, sorry, you’re my friend, but that’s it?”

“I don’t think he will.” Bones put his hand on Jim’s shoulder and squeezed. “But if you never take that chance, you’re not going to know.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah.”

****

Going to see Spock, as he’d told Bones he would do, was easier said than done. The thing was, if he didn’t talk to Spock, he could still pretend that Spock really did love him, as they said, and he’d never have to find out they were wrong.

Still, Winona Kirk didn’t raise a coward.

An asshole, maybe.

He was standing outside Spock’s door. The door to Spock’s quarters on the new Enterprise. And he was thinking of turning away when the door suddenly slid open to reveal his first officer.

Spock.

“Uh.”

“Captain?”

“Yeah. That’s me.”

An eyebrow quirk.

“Did you wish to come in?” Spock asked.

“Were you going out?” Jim asked at the same time. He laughed. Maybe hysterically. “Yeah. Um. Just, you know, wanted to check out your new digs.”

Spock stepped back, out of the doorway, to allow Jim to come inside.

“If you were leaving, I don’t want to keep you.”

“I was not,” Spock insisted, even though he’d opened his door and had taken a step to leave, Jim was sure of it.

He walked in, glanced around. It wasn’t exactly set up the way Spock’s quarters had been on the prior Enterprise. Not that Jim had been in Spock’s quarters very often. But…

“Where are your Vulcan artifacts?” he asked, unthinkingly.

“When the Enterprise was destroyed…”

“Shit,” Jim swore. “God, I’m so sorry, Spock. I didn’t even think. I’m an idiot.”

“Captain—”

“I should just—”

“Jim,” Spock said gently. “I am not offended. I would not have expected you to remember such details.”

Jim nodded. Spun around as he looked at Spock’s quarters. “It looks a lot like mine. Maybe a little smaller.” He tried a smile. Didn’t really want to look at Spock, because he suddenly felt a little queasy and a lot embarrassed.

He grasped at what he could.

“Uhura requested a transfer.”

“I see.”

Jim dared a glance at Spock. He stood straight with his hands behind his back linked. Parade rest. His expression was as blank as it ever got and yet there was something behind the eyes that Jim couldn’t quite place.

“You didn’t know?”

“I thought the possibility might be there, but I received no confirmation. She did not speak to me about it directly.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Nyota and I are no longer in a romantic relationship.”

“Right,” Jim said. “So she said. But…how do you feel about it, Spock?”

Spock tilted his head. “I feel sorrow. It was not the way I wished for it to be.”

“So.” Jim bit his lip. “You regret that things ended between you?”

“I regret any pain I caused Nyota and that she feels that pain enough to wish to be elsewhere than on the Enterprise.”

“She didn’t…I mean, she didn’t act like she-she knew about—”

“She did not,” Spock said quickly.

Jim shook his head and turned away. “I should…”

“Captain. Jim. Was there something you wished to say?”

Winona Kirk didn’t raise a coward he reminded himself again.

“You know that flower,” he said slowly.

Spock’s brows furrowed. And it almost looked as though he didn’t know what Jim meant, but he knew Spock did. Spock always knew what Jim was talking about.

“The green one,” he said anyway.

Spock just stared, not acknowledging that yes, he knew, or saying, no, he didn’t. It was clear he was going to leave this ridiculous conversation to Jim.

“I don’t think it was entirely responsible for our…my behavior. I mean, okay, it got-it got rid of our…my inhibitions, sure, but there was an element, for me, see the thing is…” Jim stopped, frustrated with himself and Spock. He wiped his hand over his face. “Look, the timing of all that, it was really bad. I-I know. You were with Uhura still and it…the flower…it was…”

“It was not.”

The words were spoken so softly, Jim wasn’t sure he hadn’t imagined them, actually. He turned to face Spock fully, seeking the path forward by staring into those dark brown fathomless eyes.

It seemed an eternity before Spock continued.

“Entirely responsible.”

It was Jim who stared now, moistening his lips as he wondered what Spock was trying to say. He considered himself smart, quite intelligent, actually, but even he could not deny he was sometimes emotionally challenged. Not like Spock, no. But…

“Though I would not have acted were it not for the elements of the green flower, because Nyota and I were still involved, my emotions were not unengaged.”

Jim closed his eyes. Then he opened them. “What does that mean? For us? For me? For you?”

“I…do not know.”

His heart sank. For a moment he thought his chest might have been crushed in. 

“Uhura said you broke up while I was in the hospital recovering from…death.”

Spock flinched and took a step forward. “That was a difficult time.”

“Is it true?”

Spock nodded. Swallowed.

“Because…you were…”

“Emotionally compromised.”

“Spock, work with me here. Did you break up then because you were in love with me?”

“No.”

Jim sighed, turned around, wanting to scream.

And then Spock’s hand was on his arm and turning him back to look at him. He stood very close.

“Our relationship ended at the direction of Nyota because she realized I was in love with you.” Spock shook his head. “But I had no intention of ending things because I believed that you could not possibly return my romantic inclinations.”

“And then I proved that to be the case when I got together with Carol.”

“Yes,” Spock said softly.

“So you two just got back together.”

“An odd choice for both of us, I acknowledge, but true nevertheless.” Spock paused. “After the…flower incident…it became increasingly difficult to maintain my standard reply that my feelings for you had dissipated. I stayed away hoping that…”

“You felt guilty,” Jim said. “I know. I did too.”

“Perhaps then we should have spoken.”

Jim’s smile was twisted. “Yeah, perhaps. Instead, you chose to leave.”

“As did you,” Spock pointed out.

“Yeah.” He blew out a breath. They still stood so very close, but other than Spock’s hand on his arm, they did not touch. “You were with-with her and not even really talking to me at all anymore and after we’d-we’d been together, nothing changed, and I lost-I lost hope anything ever would.”

“I…did as well.”

Hope leaped up into his chest, loosening that tight crushing feeling, but he wasn’t yet ready to allow it to fully lie there.

“I came here tonight,” Jim said, honestly, “because Uhura and Bones said I should. Because I don’t think…no I know, without their pushing, I wouldn’t have, and this would probably have gone on unsaid, forever, I guess, but—”

“Jim.”

“I keep thinking that my mama didn’t raise a coward, Spock, but I think maybe she did.” He lowered his gaze a moment, than raised it to look into Spock’s dark eyes. “I hate being vulnerable almost more than I hate anything in the whole world.”

“Will it help you if I am the one to say it?”

He sucked in a breath. “Say what?”

“I am very glad that you did not take the Vice Admiral position on Yorktown.”

Jim laughed, because, yeah, that would be the absolute way that this man, this Vulcan, would say things. Because as hard as it was for him to feel vulnerable, it was ten times harder than that for Spock.

“Because you love me and want to be with me,” Jim whispered.

He saw the instant relief in Spock’s eyes even as he swallowed, and his Adam’s apple slid up and down his throat.

“Yes,” Spock whispered back. “And…you?”

“I’m so damn glad you didn’t go to New Vulcan to make babies. Even if it was because of Uhura—”

Spock’s long fingers touched his lips stopping his words.

Jim searched his gaze.

“It was not.” Spock shook his head. “Because of her.”

Jim moved his hands to grasp Spock’s forearms and then slid them up to Spock’s hard, muscular biceps. He leaned in close enough to feel Spock’s surprisingly hot breath brush against the skin of his face.

“Who then?”

“You.”

He smiled, his heart allowing the hope that had been beating there to come in. “I love you and want to be with you, too.”

This time it was Spock who closed his eyes and he kept them there when Jim placed a really quite chaste kiss on Spock’s lips. He’d imagined at least a dozen times, oh, who was he kidding, millions of times, what it would be like to kiss Spock. That very first kiss between them that he had never really thought would happen.

But it had always been all-consuming, passionate and wild then.

Not this hesitant brush of their lips.

Dark eyes opened, fingertips brushed his jaw and drew their mouths together far more thoroughly.

At last.

Jim had been kissed or kissed someone many times over the years. It was not at all an unusual experience or unique in anyway. And honestly with very few exceptions, those he couldn’t even conjure up at the moment, he’d found a kiss was a kiss was a kiss was a kiss. 

Oh certainly they were nice. He couldn’t really think of a time he hadn’t enjoyed the kissing. But there was never a time that he’d thought to himself, wow that guy was terrible at kissing or that girl is the best kiss I’ve ever had.

Kissing was all part of intimacy and sex and Jim could never, would never, deny he liked it quite well indeed.

And yet as he moved closer to Spock, grabbed onto the front of Spock’s blue tunic, crumpling the material of said shirt into his fists, and opening his lips against the assault of Spock’s incredibly hot mouth, God it felt like he’d never been kissed at all, not before this, that this was absolutely the first ever time someone’s lips claimed his.

This really was more than he had imagined.

Jim pulled back just enough to say, “We really need to…”

His words were stopped by Spock’s kiss. Okay, seriously, whatever he was going to say could clearly wait.

Spock was moving him toward the bed. He loved how Spock manipulated him right to it. The backs of his legs hit the bed and then Jim was falling onto his back, with Spock falling right onto him.

Jim tugged at Spock’s clothes and Spock tugged at his, whatever, but soon enough they were both without any, boots on the floor too, and bare skin to bare skin.

Spock produced a tube of lube, which he used on his fingers and then inside Jim.

“Spock, Spock, please. _Please_.”

Nothing had ever felt this good. This intimacy between them.

And as Spock rose up above him, lifting and parting Jim’s legs, thrusting into Jim’s channel, it was ecstasy.

He was begging, crying, pleading, and dying. Spock took him to the brink, drew back, let him come down, and then drove him to heights again.

When it was over, when they both came, and then came down, lying on top of each other, a tangle of limbs and of hearts, when they finally could breathe…

“God, I love you. So much.”

Spock exhaled, put his fingers to Jim’s face, and told him in another way how much he was loved.

And they began.


	3. Chapter 3

_Three Months Later_

The minute his feet hit the ground, Jim dropped to a crouch, and rolled away from his attacker, narrowly missing being kicked in the head. He stood up, panting, quickly looking for his first officer.

“Spock?”

“Here, Captain,” Spock called out, just as he took a punch to his stomach. Anyone else would likely have lost their breath from such a punch, but Spock merely grunted, picked up the perpetrator, and tossed them away.

“Uh, this doesn’t seem like the right time.” Jim ducked as a chair was thrown at his head. “Hey!”

“You are correct, Captain. This is clearly the mission on Tevis 3.”

“Tevis 3,” Jim repeated. “Ah, crap. I remember that. I got my nose broken.”

“It took Doctor McCoy considerable work to restore—”

“My good looks. Yeah, I know. Damn. Spock, look out.”

_“And back!”_

Jim blinked, swayed, hand going to his head as he felt the strange disorientation of the time travel. Okay and maybe that fist to the head had something to do with it too. But yeah, at least his boots were firmly planted on the transporter pad. And there was no hot blood pouring from his nose. That counted as a win. 

“Fuck.”

“Captain.”

“Geez, Scotty, what the hell was that?”

“Er, a wee miscalculation, Captain,” Scotty said, sheepishly.

Spock, who stood next to him, bristled.

In the room besides the two of them and Scotty were Bones and Uhura and Sulu.

Bones frowned. “What time were you in?”

“That mission on Tevis 3 a year and a half ago.”

“Damn it, Jim, do you know how long it took to make you pretty again?”

“I may barf,” Sulu said.

Uhura rolled her eyes. “I may join you. Monty, that’s too far back.”

“I know it, lassie. Let me try again.”

“Bones, it wasn’t like I had a choice where we were. And my nose is fine, by the way.” 

“Wait,” Bones said. “All this shooting back and forth to another time, is this harming them?”

“I don’t think so,” Jim said.

“Well, maybe I should be the judge of that.”

“Doctor, there is no time. Starfleet’s orders…”

“Now listen here—”

“Scotty.”

****

The bar was unexpectedly smoky, something Jim wasn’t used to, and for a moment, it stopped him from entering further.

The disorientation felt different this time. Not like before. It took him a moment to even remember why he was about to enter this place. Where he was. Why. Or how.

Definitely disorienting.

It had been a long time since Jim had been to a bar that allowed smoking of any kind or anything, and never on Earth, not in many years, but then, he reminded himself, this place was anything but Earth.

His brain, his thoughts, lacked clarity. This wasn’t right. Somehow, he knew.

His fingers moved up to the rock on the chain around his throat and he rubbed his thumb over the smooth surface. His tongue traced his lips. Normally he wasn’t very fond of jewelry. But he’d been given this particular piece to keep track of him while there.

Yeah. For just a second, he’d forgotten Spock had given him this for this mission. And the disorienting feeling, that strangeness he felt, was because it was all as if he was watching himself act here instead of inhabiting his body like the last time they’d done the time jump.

He vaguely wondered how many of these rocks Spock had around because he knew Uhura had been wearing one in a necklace that belonged to Spock’s mother. And really the jealousy that came from that time was no longer there. Much. But he felt just the vaguest twinge, nevertheless.

The one he currently wore had been implanted within a communication device. How that little tiny chip fit in there, Jim didn’t quite know. Scotty could work miracles he guessed. Spock too.

Jim stepped further inside, his eyes adjusting to the smoke, and his nose adjusting to the scents of a mix of too much booze—different kinds—and the sweat of too many bodies crammed against each other. He used to thrive in places just like this.

Now they kind of made his skin crawl. Or maybe that was the time jump. Again. He blew out a heavy breath, then felt sorry right after that because he’d sucked in all that smoke.

Then he took a moment to be glad that he no longer visited places like this. No longer smoked and drank to excess to numb the pain. Life was different now. Good. Really good. But so very different than what he’d imagined it would be. 

He felt the rock pulse against his skin.

“Yeah? Spock?”

“Captain.” He heard the relief in Spock’s voice. “Are you at the location?”

“Yes, Spock. Don’t you have me on your thingy?”

“It is a tracker.”

Jim smirked. “I know, Mister Spock.”

“What do you see?”

“Smoke, patrons. It’s crowded.”

“But not Commodore Shelton?”

“No. Not…wait. I’m going further in.”

“Jim. Be careful.”

“Shh. You’re attracting attention.”

“Captain.”

“Kirk Out.” He rubbed the rock again and Spock fell silent.

He paused a minute to get his bearings here. There was no real danger, because he had Spock with him. And the rest of his crew watching out for him. In fact he was aware that Jaylah was seated at one corner of the bar, monitoring him. He doesn’t look her way though. He wondered if she was even aware that he’s from the future or if she is or…no, he doesn’t want to think too hard. 

Jim cut through a group of Tellarites, who barely seemed to notice him barging through, and to the middle of the smoky bar.

There are more sweaty bodies pressed together, so close that Jim felt a bit claustrophobic. Against his back someone presses closer still, knocking him forward into another patron. A hand touched his ass, on the crack, fingers attempting to push in.

He wriggled around, away from the grabby hands.

Across the room he spots Shelton. The Commodore was surrounded by five, maybe six lethal guys that look like they stepped straight out of Section 31. 

Stepping forward, Jim swayed, and then feels the disorientation again.

 _But no. This is right. This is the time_.

“No, wait!”

Smoke was blown directly into his face. He turned and faced…

“Spock. What are you doing?”

“Captain, we must leave now.”

Spock’s hand gripped his arm.

“What? But Spock, this is the right time. We can save—”

Spock’s hand slipped from Jim’s arm. “No. Something isn’t right. Mr. Scott can’t stabilize…”

Spock shimmered before Jim’s eyes.

“Spock, are you…Scotty…”

Jim lunged for Spock just as Spock disappeared altogether.

Suddenly Jim hit the hard ground, heavy Vulcan landing right on top of him. His head might have bounced off the ground in the landing too.

“Oof.”

“Captain?” Spock exclaimed. “ _Jim_?”

“Yeah, no offense, Spock, but you’re squashing me.”

“Shh. Do not make a sound. Do not even breathe.”

“Pretty sure I can’t anyway.”

“Be silent. I am attempting to determine our immediate circumstances.”

Jim frowned. He dug his fingers into the dirt and grass beneath him. “This is not the Enterprise.”

“That is an understatement of epic proportions. But I do not believe we are in immediate danger.”

“Great. Then get off me.”

Spock gave him a look but slid off Jim and stood up, reaching a hand down to pull him up off the ground.

Jim smiled at Spock, then wiped at the dirt on his pants. He glanced around the area. They appeared to be in a clearing, with beautiful green grass and flowers. A hint of dampness as though earlier a storm had passed through. On the edge were some huge trees Jim couldn’t place. But it sure looked like…

“What the hell? Where did Scotty put us now?”

Spock spun around, looking this way and that. “I do not know.”

“Where’d I put my communicator anyway?” Jim felt for the pockets in his jeans. He was dressed the same as he’d been in the bar, jeans, and a buttoned down flannel shirt with a leather bomber jacket. But his pockets were empty.

He looked down at the ground, but didn’t spot them there either.

“You have yours, babe?”

That earned him a reproachful look which he ignored.

Spock, nevertheless, did search his pockets. He was wearing jeans also, but his were paired with boots and a maroon sweater. He looked hot. Well, yeah, temperature hot, sure, but the other kind too.

“I do not appear to have my communication device. Or my tricorder. Most unusual,” Spock mused.

“How are we supposed to contact the ship?”

“We can only assume that Mr. Scott is working on bringing us out of whatever we have fallen into.”

Hands on his hips, Jim looked around. Looked up at the mostly clear blue sky above. “My mom has a saying, Spock. To assume makes an ass out of you and me.”

That, predictably, earned him another withering look. Honestly, Jim probably shouldn’t find those haughty looks as hot as that, but well…

“This looks a whole hell of a lot like Earth.”

Just as he turned to look in the other direction, Spock’s hand gripped his arm.

“Jim,” he said, low. “We are not alone.”


	4. Chapter 4

Jim met Spock’s gaze, a warning there, and turned toward the copse of trees he’d noticed earlier. Coming between two very large pine trees, yeah that was it, they were pine, was a human male about sixty or so, Jim guessed, if he had to, and a very familiar looking Vulcan. Although maybe a bit younger than when Jim remembered seeing him.

“Ambassador…”

Spock’s fingers tightened on Jim’s arm. “I urge caution.”

He nodded his understanding and Spock let go of his arm. Now that the old guy got closer Jim felt a little disquiet himself.

He was pretty fucking certain he was looking at _the_ Ambassador Spock, as he was in his universe, with Captain Kirk, as he was in that universe.

So…himself. Yeah.

“Hello there. You two lost?” Kirk called out.

Jim opened his mouth to reply but Spock beat him to it

“Yes, sir. We were hiking in the area and lost our way.”

Kirk and Ambassador Spock stopped directly in front of them. Kirk wore a friendly expression and the old Ambassador merely a curious one. They didn’t appear to notice they were speaking with younger or other versions of themselves.

The absolute weirdest thing was they were dressed almost identical to the two of them. Meaning Kirk had on jeans and a flannel shirt, no jacket though, and Ambassador Spock had on jeans and a crew neck sweater, his forest green instead of the maroon Spock wore.

“Hiking?” Kirk asked.

“Right,” Jim replied. “Backpacking.”

Ambassador Spock arched a brow. “You do not appear to have backpacking equipment.”

“We lost them,” Spock said.

“Yes.” Jim cleared his throat. “A sad tale. Lost.”

“Well, we have a cabin just over there if you want to come in and stay dry.”

Jim glanced at the mostly clear sky. “Uh.”

Kirk shrugged. “Weather changes quickly around here. Sunny in the morning, raining in the afternoon and evening. I’m Captain James T. Kirk and this is Commander Spock. Come on. We have food too.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “I am hungry.” He totally was.

“Come then. What’s your name?”

“Uh.”

“Jay,” Spock said quickly. “His name is Jay. And mine is…”

“Sylen,” Jim said, ignoring the look from Spock.

“Interesting,” Ambassador Spock spoke up. “You are Vulcan, yes?”

“I am.”

“Do I know your parents?”

“He’s an orphan,” Jim replied, grabbing Spock’s arm. “Let’s go to the cabin.”

****

Spock knew that Jim was full of frenetic energy on an ordinary day, and given this was not at all ordinary, he was so hyped up and electric, Spock expected to see sparks flying off his skin.

Fanciful, yes. But Jim made Spock rather fanciful since their official couplehood. In fact, he had been thinking more seriously of a permanence between them that he had never truly considered with Nyota. He’d spent a lot of time realizing that somewhere he’d always thought of his time with her as a temporary thing.

An unkindness, perhaps, but then she’d made a similar confession to him after Jim and he had officially become involved. The awkwardness between them had not entirely disappeared, but it was better, and she had no longer wished to leave.

He and Nyota had spent an evening together having dinner, Spock drinking tea, Nyota drinking wine, and they’d talked for hours about their failures and successes, both personally and professionally.

Jim had been busy, hadn’t minded a bit that Spock had spent time elsewhere. 

And Spock had even considered telling Nyota about his prior time with Jim, when the green flower of Pariote 3 may or may not have been the reason, but in the end, Spock thought perhaps it was best she never know, and a clear conscience would only hurt her, not help her.

It was then during that conversation that Nyota had advised him the reasons she wished to ask for a transfer and why exactly she had changed her mind. 

It was a good conversation though sad and painful for them both at times.

It had felt good to know they could still have that closeness they’d known since meeting without the romance that went with it. He was grateful.

He fell into step just a little behind Jim, definitely taking that position to ensure there were no unwelcome surprises behind them.

This appeared to be versions of themselves, certainly, but Spock took no chances where Jim was concerned. He was on high alert.

“The rock is gone too,” Jim whispered over his shoulder.

He opened his mouth to make a reply just as Ambassador Spock glanced their way.

“Rock?” he asked curiously.

“A token of my affection that I presented Jay with,” Spock said. To Jim he said, “That is most unfortunate.”

Kirk smiled at them. “So you two are a couple, huh? I thought so.” He stopped before a log cabin, one of those Spock had seen in old pictures of Earth. He hadn’t known they still existed, though this one looked larger than those Spock had seen.

“Come on in. We can get a fire going.”

Jim waited for their counterparts to go up the short stack of stairs before following, with Spock close behind.

“You guys too, right?” Jim said.

“Us too what?”

“Together.”

Kirk laughed. “Me and Spock? Oh no. We’re just friends. And we serve in Starfleet together.”

“Wait. _What_?” Jim stopped in his tracks, just before entering the cabin. His jaw dropped in shock, clearly surprised by their counterparts.

“Uh, what?” Kirk asked. “You got a problem with us being friends?”

Spock put his hand on Jim’s arm, drawing him protectively closer. “No. Of course not. Just a simple assumption. Can you give us a moment? We would appreciate it.”

“Sure, sure, come in when you’re done.”

Jim watched them go inside and shut the door. Spock drew Jim further away from the door.

“Spock, what—?”

“Jim, we don’t know what the situation is or even exactly where we are in time. I am asking you to tread carefully.”

“But I swear that Vulcan is the same one who came to our universe, Spock. Younger, yeah, but he’s older than you are now, they both are.”

“I agree, he does appear to be, but we do not know for sure, and even if he is, he would not know us. Not as we are here. In this time, he had not come to our universe. This would be quite a bit before he came to our universe.”

“I know, but I swear, he told me they were together and—”

“He told you specifically?”

“Well.” Jim hesitated. “Not in those exact words. But we had a meld and it was…implied.”

Spock moved Jim even further away from the door. He moved his hands up to Jim’s biceps, holding him gently. “Ashaya, while I, too, was under the impression from my own dealings with the Ambassador that they shared a more intimate relationship, perhaps it has not reached that point in this time we have arrived at. Or perhaps we were wrong. I do not know. But we must be careful. Besides not knowing our precise situation, there is also the prime directive to consider.”

“Prime directive? Does that really apply here?”

“I believe that it does.” He moved one hand down Jim’s arm to his hand, rubbing their fingers together. “What we must focus on, ashaya, is that Mr. Scott and the Enterprise is working even now on returning us to our own time and onto the Enterprise.”

“Commodore Shelton…”

Spock shook his head. “I am not certain we have the capabilities to change his fate, Jim. We have been trying and failing.”

“I don’t believe in no-win scenarios, Spock.”

“I am aware. But you might have to accept that this is one time you cannot bend the outcome to your formidable will. Even Starfleet advised it was a shot in the dark that might not pay off.”

Jim sighed. “I know. But…”

“Jim, none of that was your fault. We were on a mission. As was he.”

“I had him as my instructor, you know,” Jim said pensively. “At the Academy. My favorite class. And he…he believed in me when some of the others…well they weren’t so kind. If we can help him, Spock, I’d like to.”

The door to the cabin opened again and Kirk poked his head out. “Having an argument?”

Jim bristled, but Spock said, “No. We are not. We were just finished and are about to join you inside.”

“Good. Soup’s on.”


	5. Chapter 5

"Come over here, Jay.” Kirk gestured to Jim. “Let me show you something.”

As Jim headed over to the edge of the living room where Kirk stood, Spock made to follow him.

“He won’t harm him.”

The Ambassador’s word had Spock stopping. He turned to face his elder self, who had arched a brow at him.

“New relationship?” Ambassador Spock guessed.

Spock tried to relax. It was quite difficult. “It is somewhat recent.”

The Ambassador nodded. “Tea?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“I assure you that he is quite safe with my captain.”

“I am not specifically concerned with your captain harming him.” Spock paused. “He frequently finds himself in harm’s way, therefore I must be…diligent.”

“I quite understand that,” Ambassador Spock replied. “My captain does the same.”

“But your relationship is not the same as mine with…Jay.”

“We are friends, very close ones, but yes, I suppose we do lack the intimacy the two of you have.”

Spock nodded his thanks as he accepted the tea from his elder. “You are in Starfleet?”

“That is correct. I am his first officer. We are currently on a vacation though. Here in this cabin at Yellowstone.”

Spock had wondered where they were. Now he had his answer. “A remote cabin.”

“Jim prefers it. He likes to get close to nature.”

Spock wasn’t sure that applied to his Jim, but he supposed there would be quite a few differences.

“And you are married?” Spock queried. “Not to each other. But to others?”

“No. We are lifelong bachelors I suppose.”

Spock sipped his tea. Lifelong bachelors, indeed. Something was definitely not right about that. And he absolutely did not miss the way his elder’s gaze followed after Kirk. So, was Kirk the holdout then? Spock didn’t know.

“I was bonded once, but that…did not work out.”

“Oh?” Spock asked, politely, his own eyes on Jim.

“And you?”

Spock blinked and turned his attention back to the Ambassador.

“You and Jay? Are you bonded?”

“No. Not as yet. It is…under consideration.”

“What do you and Jay do?”

“We are winemakers.” It was Jim who said this. Spock had no clue how his captain had even heard the elder’s question. He had seemed engrossed in whatever Kirk was saying. But Jim smiled in their direction. “From California. A bit old-fashioned, I guess, because we make real wine instead of resorting to synthesized, but it tastes better.”

“A Vulcan winemaker?” Kirk asked, doubtfully.

“Well, Sylen doesn’t taste the wine, but he’s a big part of the production and he’s practically a grape whisperer.”

“Interesting,” the Ambassador murmured. “And here you are so far from home.”

“Very far,” Jim acknowledged. He moved closer to Spock, putting his hand on Spock’s arm, which oddly comforted Spock. “But we’re adventurers.”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed.

“Were you staying at one of the nearby hotels or lodges?” Kirk asked, moving toward the kitchen with the rest of them.

“We only arrived today,” Spock explained. “We had no time to make accommodations.”

Kirk smiled. “You do indeed like adventure then, to come all the way to Yellowstone without making plans on where to stay.”

“I was excited to begin our hike.”

“Strange clothes for hiking. Still, to each their own. Sit down. We’ll bring you the soup.”

Spock moved over to the dining room table to sit by his captain.

“Winemakers?” he mouthed to Jim.

Jim shrugged.

As they waited to be brought food, Spock glanced toward the window and noticed that it was just as Kirk had said. Clouds had drifted nearer and appeared to be quite threatening.

“Technically this cabin is outside of Yellowstone Park. Wyoming is a beautiful place.”

“How does it compare to Iowa?” Jim asked.

Kirk turned toward him, startled. “How did you know I’m from Iowa?”

Jim’s smile was easy. “Everyone knows the great Captain Kirk and Commander Spock.”

They were looking at Jim suspiciously.

“Plus, you have a bunch of books on your shelf over there pertaining to Iowa. And Riverside.”

Spock watched as Kirk visibly relaxed.

“Well, yes. Good deductions. And I wouldn’t say I was the _great_ Captain Kirk.” He laughed. “Oh, hell maybe I would.”

Ambassador Spock brought a big tureen of soup to the table and set it in the middle.

“Creamy tomato basil,” Kirk said. “Spock’s specialty. It’s all vegan though. The creaminess comes from white beans.”

“Smells good,” Jim said. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.”

Kirk smiled. “I know the feeling. But there’s plenty here. And I made bread earlier.”

Which the Ambassador brought a basket filled with bread just then.

“A sun-dried tomato spread.” He set a container and knife next to the bread.

“ _You_ made bread?”

“Don’t I look like I can cook?”

Jim shrugged. “I guess I just assumed you being a Starfleet hotshot that you wouldn’t.” He tasted the soup that Spock’s elder ladled into a bowl for him. “Wow, that’s so good.”

“I am glad that you like it…Jay,” the elder said, with an odd pause that made Spock look at him sharply. But the Ambassador looked serene, as though to Spock he was trying a little too hard not to look suspicious.

“You two should just stay here,” Kirk said. “There’s plenty of room.”

“How do you know we’re not axe murderers?”

“Are you?”

Jim grimaced. “No. But I’m not sure you should trust us.”

“Spock and I can take care of ourselves.”

“Yeah, but…”

Kirk shrugged, in a very similar way Jim had a moment before. “Besides. I think you two are very, very lost.” He looked sharply at them, hazel eyes narrowed. “Aren’t you, Jim? Spock?”

****

Jim exchanged a quick look with Spock, his pulse speeding up. “Uh.”

 _Real smart, Jim_.

Kirk’s smile widened as he reached for the glass of wine the Ambassador had just placed in front of him. “Do you two honestly think we don’t know who you are?”

“Well.” Jim bit his lip somewhat sheepishly. “Do you?”

Kirk snorted and then Ambassador Spock finally sat down to join them at the table.

“You’re us.” Kirk shrugged. “Younger, of course. And with some differences.”

“Such as blue eyes,” Ambassador Spock said. “But I would know James Kirk anywhere.”

Jim almost asked him why that was. Was it because he was madly in love with his captain, like his Spock, okay, maybe madly in love was somewhat of an exaggeration, but he decided not to put the Vulcan on the spot.

And anyway he was still dealing with the…

“So, wait. How long have you known that I’m you and he’s him? Well, I mean, I’m not, actually, you.”

“Close enough,” Kirk responded. “And we knew from the beginning. Spock detected an anomaly close to the cabin, so we went to investigate. It wasn’t a coincidence we came up to you two.”

“Indeed,” the elder Spock said. “We went looking for you. Not you specifically, but what I detected. As soon as we saw you, however, we recognized who you were.”

“You’re not the first version of ourselves we’ve come upon.”

Jim frowned. “No?”

“I am curious for this information as well,” Spock said. His.

Kirk grinned. “You’re cute like this, Mister Spock.”

Jim rolled his eyes. And yet these two nitwits weren’t together? Okay, before he left, if he got to, he was going to do his best to see that change.

“Can we focus?”

“You are the first who are a couple, though,” Kirk added.

“A curiosity for sure,” Kirk’s Spock replied.

“Yeah, it’s curious all right. As it happens, you aren’t the first…ugh. Shit.” His shin felt like someone had split it in two. But it was only because his own first officer had just kicked him extremely hard.

“What was that?”

Spock was glaring daggers at him and Jim got it. Don’t give out information about their timeline. Prime Directive. Blah blah blah.

“Not the first to notice how cute my first officer is,” Jim said, he thought pretty smoothly, too. He smiled in Spock’s direction. “And I agree. He is pretty cute.”

“Cuteness notwithstanding, exactly why did you come here? What was your purpose?”

“Unfortunately, it was an accident.”

Spock nodded. “The captain is correct. We were attempting to go to an entirely different time in the universe where we come from. Not to jump here at all.”

Kirk fingered his chin. “Time travel, huh? Well we’ve done that a time or two.”

“I bet. Scotty is likely working on getting us back to where we belong even now.”

“Still jumping to an entirely different universe can be pretty complicated What were you attempting to do?”

Jim glanced at Spock, his, of course, who gave a very slight shrug. “During a mission, an important officer in Starfleet was, quite unfortunately, killed. Wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did. We were attempting, with the Federation’s blessing, to alter that outcome, if possible.”

“Which is looking more and more unlikely considering our lack of success so far,” Spock said quietly.

“Yeah.” And didn’t that just seriously suck.

“Anyone I know?” Kirk asked.

“Commodore Shelton.”

Kirk looked pensive for a moment and then shook his head. “No, doesn’t sound familiar.”

“You didn’t have a class with him at the Academy?”

“No. Sorry.”

“Then there are definitely differences.”

“Yes,” the Ambassador said. “That is to be expected. You’d be raised differently. Circumstances would vary. People you meet.”

“Right, so here, our father…” He stopped waiting for a kick from Spock, but it happily didn’t come. He blew out a breath. “He’s alive?”

Kirk shook his head. “Not anymore. But he passed away recently. Not yours?”

“Uh. No. My father died as I was being born,” Jim admitted. “I never knew him.”

“Wow. There are differences then.”

Jim nodded. “Sam…”

“Yes, I had a brother, Sam. George Samuel. And his wife, Aurelan. Son, Peter.” Kirk blinked and reached for his wine. “Both Sam and Aurelan were killed from an attack on Deneva. You?”

“Perhaps it is unwise to share too much information between us.” And that was definitely Jim’s Spock. Jim saw the cautious glint in those dark eyes, and he wondered if it was because Spock didn’t really want to talk about his mother. Jim didn’t blame him.

“My young counterpart is probably quite right. Until we can determine how to get you back to where you truly belong, or Mr. Scott does it for us, you will need to stay here. Going elsewhere here is unwise. Staying in the same general location would be preferred. There is a bedroom you can use on the upper floor. There’s a bed big enough for the two of you.”

“Thank you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Later, after they’d been shown the bedroom, Jim leaned against the door to watch Spock set up an area on a throw rug to meditate. He had borrowed some incense from Ambassador Spock.

Spock looked over his shoulder as he put everything in place. “You do not mind giving me the privacy to meditate?”

Jim knew that was code for ‘beat it, Jim’. Spock was always unerringly polite about it though. He shook his head.

“Nah, I know how important this is for you. And you probably need it about now.”

“It would be useful, yes.” Spock straightened and hesitated. “But I don’t wish for you to feel abandoned to fend for yourself if you are uncomfortable.”

Jim waved that away. “I’m not.” Okay, maybe he was just a little. Looking at two older, not quite versions of yourselves was a tad strange. “My biggest complaint right now is how much my leg is throbbing.”

Spock had the grace to look remorseful. “I did not intend to kick you that hard.”

“I know. It was all to get your poor doofus captain to shut up before he divulged too much.” Jim raised both brows.

“I do not think you are a doofus.”

“Anyway, while you meditate, I’m going to get myself some wine and go chat with the old you.”

“Jim.”

“Wanting to know why those two are not together is completely legitimate. But I’ll word things carefully.”

“The Prime Directive—”

“I’m still not sure that applies here, but I’ll keep it in mind.” He shrugged. “Besides. How do we know that it’s not us who gets them to realize their undying love for each other—”

“Undying?”

“Wait. You think your love for me is going to die? Is it temporary?”

“I did not say that.”

“As I was saying, maybe we’re the push they needed, and because of all that confusing time shit none of us know that, and just, you know. Uh. Well.”

Spock barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “Just…be careful.”

“I’m always careful.”

Spock gave him the look.

“ _I am_. Going for wine now. Have fun.” He waved and exited the room, pausing to glance down the hallway of the rustic cabin.

Well, if you could call a cabin that was way nicer than any place Jim had ever lived ‘rustic’. Did they have mansion cabins?

There was one other bedroom in this upstairs part of the cabin and Jim headed down to it just to be nosey. He cautiously peeked in. And he didn’t know why he was being cautious. Maybe he expected to see it being inhabited by a Klingon. Or a bear. What did he know? But yeah it wasn’t. Either of them. It was empty.

It didn’t look like either Kirk or old Spock was staying there, and he thought he remembered one of them saying their rooms were downstairs.

He made it down the stairs and spotted Kirk in the kitchen on some kind of communicator device, not the typical one he was used to, but bigger, talking to someone. He waved at Jim, pointed toward the door leading outside, Jim guessed, to tell him where that Spock was.

The glass of red wine he’d asked for earlier had been set on the dining room table, so he swooped it up and headed outside to the deck area where Ambassador Spock had gone.

He glanced back at Kirk, saw he was no longer paying any attention, and opened the door to go outside.

And was immediately hit with a frigid blast of air that had him tightening the thin bomber jacket he wore. Not much protection.

“Damn, are those snow flurries?”

Ambassador Spock turned toward him, slightly, a very tiny upturn of the lips showing his amusement. He had a giant parka thing on over his sweater from earlier. It was fake-fur lined around the hood and Spock had it pulled up around his head so even his pointed ears were not visible. “They are indeed. I’m not certain this area ever sees very warm weather.”

“So, don’t you hate it?”

“You refer to my being a desert dweller.”

“Yep. I mean Spock…mine, I mean…he’s not very fond of it when it gets cold. I assumed that was a universal thing.”

He sidled up to stand directly next to the older Vulcan and looked out at the landscape before him. “Pretty though.”

“Yes, which is why I tolerate it. And because Jim likes it.”

Jim blew out a breath. “Yeah. So. Who is he talking to in there? A girlfriend?”

“Oh, no. It is McCoy.”

Jim brightened at that. “Bones? Yeah?” He had to wonder what Leonard McCoy of this universe was like. He’d seen his picture. The one this Spock had given to his Spock, well after he’d passed on, as Spock had shown it to him. All of them. It was a nice picture. They’d both thought so.

Spock had it resting on a shelf in his quarters, but Jim saw it often as they were always together, in either Spock’s quarters or his. They never spent a night apart these days.

“Yes, he wanted to come along on this trip, but he’d caught a bit of an illness so the captain didn’t think it would be wise. He’s stayed behind in San Francisco. We are due to return there in two weeks.”

“How long have you been here?”

“We arrived the day before yesterday.”

“This sort of outdoor stuff isn’t really your thing, is it?”

The elder Spock shrugged.

“But you do it to be here with Jim.” He wanted to put an emphasis on that, somehow, how it was likely more than friends, but he didn’t know how. Jim really wasn’t into subtlety. He was trying though.

“Indeed. We are friends. I was sorry to hear you mention that your father was not around.”

Change of subject then. Eh, Jim could go with it, temporarily.

“Spock tells me I have a big mouth and shouldn’t really reveal too much,” Jim admitted.

“Yes, I caught the reproach in his words earlier. He is likely wise in that regard, but I cannot help being curious.”

“I know. Same. But yeah. He was killed in a space battle when I was being born.”

“Who raised you? Your mother?”

“Somewhat, sure. But she was off planet some of that time. And then there was someone else. A great big asshole of a someone else.” Jim sighed. “It was a really bad time for me, honestly, and I don’t really like remembering any of it.”

“I am sorry for that. I would have wished you to have a fulfilling happy life.”

Jim smiled. “I do for the most part. Now. Thanks to Spock and other things. Not just him. I mean he does make me happy, but I don’t think it’s healthy to look to one person to make all your problems go away or anything.”

When the Ambassador turned to fully focus on him, Jim found himself drinking his wine.

“I am curious as to how your relationship came about,” the older Vulcan admitted.

“Find it hard to believe a Vulcan and a human can get along so well?” Or perhaps older Spock was ‘asking for a friend’, trying to see if it might work with his own captain.

“Not specifically. I know it is entirely possible.” He shrugged. “As you are no doubt aware, my mother is human and with a Vulcan. I am certain it is the same where you are.”

“Um. Yeah.” He moistened his lips and then took another sip. “Spock’s mom…she…I didn’t…haven’t met her.”

“I am certain you will someday.”

“No.” He shook his head. “Oh hell. She died. And don’t tell him I told you, because he’s really quite sensitive about it.”

Spock stared. “Yes. As I am sure he would be. I…that is unfortunate. Was it an illness?”

_See, Jim. This is completely what happens when you open your trap and say way too much. This is why your boyfriend tells you to shut the hell up._

“No. Um. It was kinda sudden. There was this…” He rubbed the back of his neck. What was he supposed to say? “Well, actually it involved you and red matter and a lunatic Romulan and…” Jim looked toward the cabin, like he expected Spock to come out and save him from himself. That didn’t happen.

“Jim,” the Ambassador said, his voice super soft. “There is no need to carry this burden. I was merely curious. Believe me, I understand your reticence in discussing whatever has occurred where you are from. Likewise if I came to yours, no doubt it would be similar for me.”

You have no idea, old man, Jim thought.

“Yeah, it’s just, I have my first officer’s voice going through my head telling me to shut up.” Jim grinned. “Sorry. He’s big on the Prime Directive.”

Ambassador Spock nodded. “As am I.” He paused. “For the most part.”

“Back to you.”

“As I recall, I was asking you how your relationship with my younger counterpart came about.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah. I guess so. But basically, he just couldn’t continue to resist me. Believe me he tried for the longest time.”

“I believe you.” 

At that the Ambassador’s eyebrow shot up. Jim had to admit the older Vulcan was pretty cute. He _was_ Spock, after all. And he’d been quite fond of this Vulcan when he’d shown up in his universe. And he looked good at this age. Really good.

“Well. What’s a cutie like you doing without attachment?” Jim asked, trying his best flirtatious smile.

The old guy wasn’t much fooled. “How long have you and my young counterpart been together?”

He laughed at that. “A few months. But…I had a thing for him much longer.”

“I see.”

Jim kind of wanted to add that it was mostly _his_ fault, due to all that stuff he showed Jim during the meld, real or imagined, that made him look at Spock in a completely different light, an unrealistic one at that, because Spock had been with someone else, but then he’d really have to get into it with Spock, this one, and likely he and Kirk would soon be locking him up as unstable. Yeah.

“But…seriously, let’s not get into that.”

“What would you rather get into?”

Jim supposed that Ambassador Spock at this point probably thought he was a bit strange. Although, maybe these other Kirks and Spocks they’d come across had been just as strange. What did he know?

He did know that the old guy was looking at him with undisguised curiosity. And likely he was looking back just as curiously.

And though he was definitely older than his Spock, yes his, he was considerably younger than he was when Jim first met him. And damn, all that gave Jim a big fat headache.

“I guess my point is…”

“So you do have one.”

He laughed. “You’re sassy anywhere, apparently. But yeah. My point is, what’s a hottie like you doing unattached? I mean I asked that before, remember? You sort of skated right past it.”

If he expected this Spock to blurt out undying love, and there it was again, to Kirk in explanation, Jim was sorely disappointed.

Instead, he shrugged. “I was married once.”

“Wait. _What_? Married? To Uhura?”

The Ambassador frowned. “To…who?”

“Uh. There is a Nyota Uhura here, right?”

“Indeed. But why would you think that I was…?”

Jim shook his head. “Never mind. Who were you married to?”

“T’Pring was my wife.”

“T’Pring?”

“So, there is no T’Pring where you are from?”

“Not that Spock has ever mentioned, no.”

“But there is an Uhura,” the Ambassador said musingly. “Most curious.”

“Well.” Jim felt himself grow hot. Great. Now he was blushing. “See, Spock and I getting together is pretty recent, sure. I did say there was a time for a while where I was into him. Because prior to that, for quite some time, he was involved in a relationship with her.”

“Fascinating.”

Jim snorted. “Maybe from where you’re sitting. It wasn’t so much for me. Don’t want to make myself sound pathetic or anything, but I spent some time…you know what? Never mind. Any way I spin this, I sound pathetic.”

“I very much doubt that, Jim.”

“Back to your wife. You don’t have her anymore. So what happened? Did she die?”

“No, she preferred someone else.”

Jim gaped at him in surprise. “Over you?”

“Indeed.”

“So, like a divorce?”

The other Spock shrugged. “More or less.”

“Sounds like a dummy.” Jim caught the movement of Kirk pacing back and forth in the house. “What about him? Is he attached?”

The Ambassador glanced at the house, watched his captain for a moment or so. This time his gaze was shuttered. He gave nothing at all away. Jim admired that. He could have learned a lesson or two about that from this Spock.

“He has had quite a number of attachments,” came the reply. “None of them something that could be considered of permanence.”

Jim decided to take a chance. It wasn’t like he didn’t do that kind of thing all the time. And this time it wasn’t even dangerous. He didn’t think so anyway.

“How do you feel about all of that?”

And this Spock looked at him sharply, eyes narrowed so slightly that if you weren’t a Spock watcher full time you might have missed it. Jim was. He stiffened in response, expecting to hear some nonsense about Vulcans not feeling. But apparently, he wasn’t going to be insulted that way. Not this time.

“How should I feel? His relationships are of no concern of mine.”

Classic Vulcan Avoidance, Class Number One.

They all took that class, right after they were born, Jim figured.

These two were definitely not going to make this easy. And Jim heard his Spock’s voice in upper volume screaming “cease interfering”. It was in his imagination, fortunately, and safe to ignore.

He smiled warmly at the Spock in front of him, and he seemed suddenly even more cautious, judging by the wary look he gave Jim.

“What about now?”

“Now?”

“Does he have a non-permanent attachment you aren’t concerned about?”

Jim remembered at that moment that he was still holding a barely touched glass of wine in his hand, so he decided while he waited for Spock to come up with some sort of an answer, he’d take a sip.

“In San Francisco, he was seeing someone that he mentioned.”

Jim leaned a little against the railing, trying not to stick out too far where the flurries could get on him. He was mostly freezing as it was, but refused to go back inside before he found out if this Spock really did want that Kirk. Because if he did…

“Yeah? Who?”

“He called her Antonia.”

“Sounds like a nobody. Listen, I’ve gotten pretty good at reading Spocks.”

“You have met more?”

“Yeah. Well. Actually.” Jim paused to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I met you. Twice.”

“I do not recall us meeting prior to this occasion.”

He took another sip of wine. It was giving him a bit of courage. Or making him stupid. Whichever.

“You wouldn’t. It hasn’t happened yet. We meet in the future. Your future, my past. Look, time travel is a pain.”

“Of that I am aware and while I am not sure whether to believe you, I acknowledge the possibility exists.” Older Spock shrugged slightly. “You were saying you can read Spocks.”

“What? Oh. Yeah. I wasn’t at first. For the longest time I didn’t get at all that Spock was into me. I can see it now, in hindsight, because now I know what it looks like, but then…”

“You are rambling, Jim.”

Yeah, he was.

“I have some experience with future you. We melded.”

Spock stared at him. “Were you injured?”

“No. Not exactly. It’s complicated. And the Spock upstairs with me will have my head for telling you this much.”

“You have basically told me nothing.”

Jim laughed. “You know there’s something you have in common with my Spock. You both make me laugh. Anyway, now that I know what love looks like from Spock, the one upstairs, that I just might bond with some day…”

“You want to bond?”

“Well, like I said before, it’s under consideration. There are issues for both of us. Can he really stand being in the head of an emotional wreck like me? Can I stand having someone know what I think and feel before I do…”

“It is likely not quite what you think it is.”

“Maybe. I mean, I know we’re committed to making everything work between us. As I said, we’re…there is love between us. And I didn’t know that’s what it was before, but I do now. I see it in just about every look he gives me, even the exasperated ones. And I realize when I saw it in you in your future, my past…”

“Jim.”

“I know, rambling again. I know it in you. You, Spock. I saw it when you recognized it was me that you were faced with in that cave, and maybe I didn’t know it at the time, but I do now. And I recognize it in hindsight. And so now, I recognize it in you with him.”

Spock stared at Jim, and it wasn’t exactly a denial, Jim noticed. And he considered that a big victory. 

“And I also know you’re afraid.”

At that the Vulcan shook his head. “I am not—”

“Okay,” Jim stopped him before he could continue. “Afraid is probably too…I don’t know…emotional. But you’re anxious…”

“I am hardly anxious.”

“You know, you drive me crazy at _any_ age. I know you don’t want to admit to Jim that you’re in love with him because you think he doesn’t reciprocate.” Jim was proud of himself for using words he figured Spock was bound to use himself.

Spock was shaking his head again and Jim was reminded just how stubborn Vulcans could be. Especially this one.

“Okay.” Jim put his wine down on the railing and held up his hands in a sort of gesture of surrender. “Let’s look at it from another way then.”

“I am…listening.”

“Maybe I can’t say entirely how you actually feel and think. I can’t really know what’s in the mind and heart of someone else. I’m not even bonded yet with Spock. We’ve melded, sure, but I don’t think that’s the same. Anyway, I’m conceding, reluctantly, that I can’t say for sure how you feel about Jim.”

He was watching Jim. Dark eyes so familiar. And waiting. For the other shoe to drop. Whatever Jim intended to say next. And it was good. Jim was glad he was listening. He wasn’t sure how much time he and Spock had left here before Scotty, Uhura, and Bones would figure out a way to bring them back.

“But there is someone I know, I am absolutely positive how he feels. And that’s _me_. I know what Jim Kirk thinks and feels because _I’m him_. And the closer I got to you, the more you made me see. It was really difficult to even be friends with Spock, with you. I never knew anyone like that. And when we were friends, I told myself we could never be more than friends. But I wanted that. I wanted him. Wanted Spock. And just in every single way I could have him. Need, love, desire. All of it. There’s no one I rely on more than him and there never will be.”

Jim stepped close to the older Spock and took hold of his wrists in his grip.

“And I know because of that, that your Jim feels that same way about you, Spock.”

“You cannot—”

“I can. I do,” Jim insisted. “I see it in him. I recognize it in him because of who he is and who I am. It’s logical, Spock. You love that stuff. It’s logical. You may or may not be afraid to tell him how _you_ feel, but he _is_ afraid to tell you. Because of your friendship, because of rejection. He’ll take _anything_ to have you by his side and he can’t stand the thought of you leaving because of the way he feels. So he holds it in, and spends time with others, and pretends that every single time he looks at you and you look away, it doesn’t break his heart.”

“I…”

“He’s right.”

Jim and Spock both turned abruptly at the spoken words by the door to the house. Heart pounding in his chest, Jim watched Kirk take a step from inside onto the porch outside.

He looked wrecked, Jim thought. He didn’t know if it was because Jim had outed him or perhaps, he had heard that maybe, just possibly, Spock returned those feelings.

Jim glanced at Spock, who was staring at Kirk with something akin to wonder. And Jim, well, he couldn’t wait to run up to tell _his_ Spock.

Prime Directive be damned.

Or whatever applied in a situation where you were talking to versions of yourself.

He released Ambassador Spock’s wrists after offering him what he hoped was an encouraging smile. Then he picked up the wine glass and headed for the door of the house. Kirk still stood just outside of it, looking uncertain, but…hopeful.

Jim nodded at him. “Go for it. Trust me.”

Kirk blinked at him, but said nothing as Jim stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

Kirk took two steps forward as Spock took steps to reach him. He searched the Vulcan’s familiar gaze, his breath catching at what he saw in those shockingly warm brown eyes.

“Spock?” He heard the reverence in his own voice. “Is it…?”

“Yes.”

He laughed. “Yeah? Really?”

“Yes. And for…you?”

Kirk laughed again, tears stinging his eyes unbidden, unwanted. “Yes. God, yes.”

He reached Spock now, entirely, his hands cradling that beloved face.

“I can hardly believe it. I…”

“Jim.” Spock closed his eyes, their foreheads leaning against each other’s.

He put his hands on Spock’s waist, moving his hand to Spock’s side to feel the rapidly beating heart there.

“Spock, I…all those others…”

Spock shook his head. “They don’t matter.”

Kirk nodded, moving their foreheads apart so that he could look into Spock’s eyes. “Antonia…”

“You will end things with her when we return?”

Kirk smiled. “Yes. Yes. I don’t know what else to say. I’m overwhelmed. Can I kiss you?”

Spock swallowed heavily. “I would like that.”

Sucking in a trembling breath, Kirk let it ghost out softly over Spock’s skin as he leaned in and up to press his lips to Spock’s. And whatever he expected Spock’s mouth to be, cold, perhaps, harsh, maybe, he was wrong on all accounts for they were warm, soft, and unbelievably addicting.

Kirk had kissed many women, he would not deny that, but nothing and no one had or could ever compare to the lips parting under his at that movement. As tongue lashed against tongue, he found himself shaking with emotion. There was lust, yes, but it went so much deeper than lust and even love. This was…everything.

He pulled back to gasp, “I really want to—”

“Me too,” Spock moaned back.

He laughed again. With joy.

“That kid.”

Spock smiled very slightly. “Yes.”

Kirk took Spock’s hand in his. “For this, I’m grateful.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Spock? Babe? Are you done meditating?” Jim craned his neck around the door, peering into the room they’d been given.

Spock stood in the middle of the room, gazing with narrowed eyes at Jim.

“Oh, good, you’re done.”

Jim stepped in and closed the door.

“Guess what?”

“You have meddled.”

“Well…yeah. But it was successful meddling.” He went to Spock, throwing his arms around his Vulcan’s neck. “Have I ever told you how incredibly gorgeous you are?”

“A time or two,” Spock murmured. “Jim, the Prime…”

“I still don’t think it applies. And anyway I didn’t interfere with some native alien species that doesn’t know about the Federation or anything, I interfered with us.”

“Us from another timeline.”

“Yeah, whatever. They needed it.”

“But you still interfered.”

“I know but…one of the reasons I ever had even a tiny smidgen of hope you might someday love me was because of my meld with the other you. He _loved_ his Jim. They were…um…damn, what’s the word? Theela.”

Spock arched a brow at him. “T’hy’la. Your pronunciation…”

“I know. Sucks.”

“You know that word?” He saw the surprise in Spock’s beautiful brown eyes.

“Yeah.” Jim bit his lip. “Do you…do you think that’s us?”

Spock drew Jim close, holding him against him as he buried his face in Jim’s neck. “I know it is.”

Jim’s heart nearly stopped as he pulled back, staring into Spock’s gaze. “Yeah?”

Spock nodded. “If we…”

“What?” Jim prompted when Spock didn’t continue.

“If I bonded us, you would know, you would feel it too.”

Jim licked his lips. “I want that.”

“Jim—”

“No. I-I do. I know I’ve been…reluctant. And you have been too…”

“No,” Spock insisted.

“What? Sure you have. And you never even bonded with Uhura and…”

“Ashaya, I have wanted to bond with you since the beginning of our relationship, but it is a…deep connection. One not easily broken and I…”

“I don’t want to break it.”

Spock nodded and kissed him softly. “I am gratified. But when everything was new between us, I was concerned I did not wish to trap you into something very permanent from a Vulcan standpoint. And you did express some reservations.”

Jim blew out a breath. “Yes. I did. But those are gone. Spock, I want…I want everything with you. Now. Do it now.”

“Jim, I am very willing to have all between us, but while we are here…should we not wait until we return to our own universe?”

“Maybe, but what if we never—”

“We will.”

Jim leaned into him. “You seem so certain.”

“I am, T’hy’la. We will return and then we will bond.”

In the morning, Jim and Spock made their way downstairs, determined to make their way back home to their own universe.

Jim realized that Kirk and Ambassador Spock were already up and in the kitchen. Their heads were bent toward each other and they were speaking softly, but they quickly straightened and parted upon hearing them approach.

Jim grinned. “Hey, don’t stop on our account. Although it’s a little weird watching ourselves make-out.”

“Jim,” his own Spock said reproachfully. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Kirk said, pointing toward a coffeepot. “Coffee there. Spock’s brewing tea.”

Jim stopped on the edge of the kitchen, surveying them. Spock came to stand beside him.

“You have bonded,” Spock blurted out.

Jim glanced at Spock, surprised. “They have?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“As a matter of fact, it is true,” Ambassador Spock said. “Last night, we…”

“Celebrated our union,” Kirk finished as he put a hand on the older Spock’s shoulder. “Which included our bonding.” He winked at Spock. “I recommend it.”

Jim laughed and then cleared his throat, glancing at his own blushing Spock. “I can’t believe after all that, you two beat us to it.”

“We’re a little older,” Kirk said. “We couldn’t afford to wait.”

He had to admit it made logical sense. He said it out loud and it earned him a look from his own Spock.

“Breakfast?” the Ambassador asked.

“Yeah sounds great,” Jim answered. “And then, Spock and I were thinking, we think we need to head back to the spot you found us, where we came into the universe, so we’re ready for when they try to bring us back and…wait. Is it _snowing_?”

“Indeed it is, Jim.”

Kirk chuckled. “That’s Yellowstone for you. We have some coats you can wear when you go.”

“Well, but we wouldn’t want to take your stuff. You wouldn’t be getting it back.”

Kirk shrugged. “We have other coats. It’s no big deal.”

“Okay then. Great. Thanks.”

After breakfast, Jim decided to take Kirk aside for one more matter of interference. Spock wouldn’t approve. But he just…he had to try. Maybe it wouldn’t make any difference, but if it did…

“Can I have a word with you?” Jim asked as he watched Kirk take his last sip of coffee.

Kirk shrugged, though he still had a note of…suspicion whenever he looked at Jim. He didn’t blame Kirk, he sort of felt the same way.

“Sure. Grab the coat I loaned you and we’ll go outside.”

“Gave me.”

“What?”

“Well, I told you. I can’t give it back.”

Kirk rolled his eyes. “Just put it on and come outside, kid.”

Jim picked the coat off the couch, glanced at the Spocks, who were whispering to each other in the dining room, shrugged, and pulled on the coat to follow Kirk out of the cabin.

As he trudged outside, snow falling all around them, he glanced back at the structure.

“This is really…a nice place.”

Kirk nodded. “Yeah. I’ve always been fond of the outdoors. What about you?”

“Er…not like excessively so. Kinda always been more comfortable in a bar. Anyway. But this? It’s cozy.”

“I bet that’s not what you wanted to talk about.”

“No.”

“How come your eyes are different?” Kirk asked then.

“I don’t know. I’m sure there’s other differences too, but I think, at the heart of us,” Jim paused to tap his chest, “we’re the same, and that’s why I really need to tell you something.”

Kirk crossed his arms over his chest. “What?”

“In the future, yours, or his, really, not mine, well, I meet him. Your Spock. And he’s just…he’s great. One of the most wonderful beings I’ve ever known. And when we first met, he melded with me and…I learned quite a few things from him about him and about you, about your life, and your universe.”

“Is there a point here?”

“There’s going to be a time, in the future, yours again…where they’re going to ask you to do this publicity thing. They’re going to ask you to be there for the-the maiden voyage of Enterprise-B and…”

“B?”

“Yes. See you’ll be retired. It won’t be you in command any more. But they’re going to ask you to be there, to make it some sort of stunt, to look good for Starfleet, to hand it off to the younger guys, and…” Jim took a deep breath and blew it out. “Don’t.”

Kirk frowned. “Don’t…what?”

“Accept,” Jim said, impatiently. “Because you’ll want to. You’ll want to do your duty and be out there and showy and puff out your chest and…”

“Excuse me?”

Jim tapped his temple. “I’m you. Don’t forget. But you gotta say no. Because…” Jim looked toward the cabin. “It matters. You should-you should say no. For him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know you don’t, and I’d say more but I’m sure my Spock wants to kick my ass as it is. Just…please. Don’t. Please. It’ll mean so much to me, to him. Don’t.”

The door to the cabin opened and Jim knew he was out of time. The Spocks were coming.

“Jim?” And that was his Spock, always seeking him, always calling out for him, and he, well, he would always meet him, always answer because he didn’t know anymore where he started and where Spock ended.

He really was well and truly captured.

Spock stepped down from the steps, walking toward him, and Jim held his fingers out in the _ozh’esta,_ and Spock met them, warm gratitude clearly in his brown eyes.

“Ready, babe?”

“I am ready, Captain.”

He smiled and nodded. “Let me just…hang on.”

He turned to the Ambassador and threw himself into the older Vulcan’s arms. Who after a startled moment, put his arms around Jim. Jim closed his eyes and hugged tightly.

“I’ve…really missed you.”

“Missed me?”

Jim swallowed, closed his eyes tightly, nodded and loosened his hold on the older Vulcan. He smiled, willing any moisture that might appear in his eyes away.

“Be…happy okay?”

Spock nodded. “I shall endeavor to do so.”

“And if he doesn’t make you happy, I’ll come back and kick his…”

“Jim. Come. You have surely overstayed your welcome with our counterparts.”

He mouthed, “Have I?” at the Ambassador who shook his head.

Jim spared one last minute for him and then turned back to Kirk. “An honor, Captain.”

“And you, Captain.” Kirk exchanged a look with his Spock. “Do you think they’ll really be ready to bring you back?”

“Well, I guess if they don’t, we’ll be back to stay with you long term!”


	8. Chapter 8

“Is this the right spot, Spock?”

Spock glanced around. “Since we do not have our instruments it is difficult to calculate the exact coordinates, but I believe this is accurate.”

“Well your guesstimates are better than anyone else’s absolute certainty, so I’ll take it.”

Jim paced around the clearing, crouching down to study the dirt.

“What are you doing” Spock asked.

“I don’t know. Looking at the ground. Wondering what the thrill of the outdoors is.” He stood. “I hope we don’t run into a bear.”

“That makes two of us. But with snow…do they not hibernate?”

“Well…I don’t know. My entire experience with bears was from watching old Earth cartoons with Yogi and Boo-Boo.”

“Yogi and…”

“Don’t ask.” Jim smiled. Looked at his first with snow sprinkled through his hair. “God, I love you.”

“And I reciprocate.”

There was a brrring noise.

“Spock?”

“Hold on to me.”

Spock grabbed Jim’s arm and tugged him close. Then Jim felt a weird disorientation and wobbliness.

And then suddenly he and Spock were standing on the transporter pad of _their_ Enterprise. 

Scotty whooped. “Got them! Got them at last!”

“Spock! Jim!” Uhura exclaimed. “Boy, are we glad to see you guys!”

Jim laughed and kissed Spock, a snow flake still on his nose. They turned to look and saw Bones glowering at them.

“What the hell are you two wearing?”

“Jim?”

Jim turned from the terminal in his quarters to smile at Spock, who just came in from the bathroom. He’d had a shower.

“Better?” he asked. Spock had been complaining about being cold. 

“Very much so. You have reported?”

“Yes. And I have good news and bad news.”

Spock sat on the edge of the desk. “What is the bad news?”

Jim sighed, leaned back, and rubbed his eyes. “They’ve decided to abandon the attempt to prevent the outcome related to Commodore Shelton’s death.”

“I am sorry, Ashayam.”

“Me, too. He didn’t deserve that.”

“You did what you could to save him.”

“Did I? I don’t know. But it’s out of my hands. They think it’s too dangerous to keep trying to time travel considering what we’ve been through.”

“I hate to admit that I rather agree with them. It was growing dangerous and I would not put your life in danger unnecessarily.”

“Even to save a former war hero? He was a great man. Had a wife and two really great daughters. And I have to be the one to tell them he’s never coming back.”

“Though it is a difficult task for you, Jim, it is best for them to hear it from you, who as a family friend cared, than some coldhearted stranger.”

“Yes.”

Spock paused. “And the good news?”

“They’ve approved our upcoming official marriage, bonding, and cohabitation.”

Spock smiled very slightly. “That is good news.”

Jim rose and stepped over to where Spock sat against the desk. “How about we start that bonding now?”

“An excellent notion.”

Jim sat up straight, heart pounding, hair ruffled.

Spock scrambled up, put his hand on Jim’s chest over his beating heart. “T’hy’la? Are you all right?”

“Yeah. It’s just…something is weird.”

“Weird? The bond?” Spock asked fretfully.

Jim covered Spock’s hand with his. “No, babe. That’s perfect. I love having you as my bondmate, my husband.”

“Then what is wrong?”

Jim thought, shook his head. “Not…wrong. Just…different.”

“What, Jim?”

He frowned. “My…my memories. They’ve changed.”

“I do not understand.”

Jim’s eyes suddenly filled with tears, which only had Spock’s eyes widening with concern.

“Jim, you are scaring me.”

“No. It’s…it’s the meld.”

“The meld?”

“With-with Ambassador Spock. The one on Delta Vega. He…Jim…he didn’t go.”

“Didn’t go?”

Jim wiped his eyes and sniffled. “He didn’t go on the Enterprise B maiden voyage. He said no. And they-they had more time, Spock. He listened. And they were happy for a lot longer.”

Spock tilted his head. He put his hand to Jim’s face. “Then these are happy tears?”

“Yeah.” Jim laughed. “Yeah. They are. Spock.” He grabbed Spock’s hand in his and pressed their hands together. “Your love has captured me.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just…I love you. So much.”

“I love you, too, T’hy’la.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my 2020 T'hy'la Bang story. I've been so excited to bring it to you. 
> 
> Title inspired by Roberta Flack’s The Closer I Get to You.
> 
> And thanks again to Sam Neukirch for the artwork that accompanied this story!  
> <3


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